Random Parodies

Squit It

When you've had a curry and your arse is on fire
You're running to the toilet, situation's dire
You've got the bloody runs, squirting out between your buns
So squit it, just squit it

This isn't fun, but you are stuck to the can
Don't wanna try to stand that could be messy, man
You wish you never had that korma, was bad
So squit it, and things start to smell bad

Just squit it, squit it, squit it, squit it
Something not to be repeated
Stinking, quite funky
Horrible sight
Hits with a splatter
No end in sight
Just squit it, squit it
Just squit it, squit it
Just squit it, squit it
Just squit it, squit it

If you are in Spain, then you just can't complain
If you didn't heed the warnings then you are insane
You drank the tap water but that ain't a good plan
So squit it, just squit it

You really should have told them even when dared
You just won't eat a single slice of mouldy bread
It should have stayed uneaten, not even as a dare
So squit it, and things start to smell bad

Just squit it, squit it, squit it, squit it
Something not to be repeated
Stinking, quite funky
Horrible sight
Hits with a splatter
No end in sight
Just squit it, squit it
squit it, squit it, squit it

Something not to be repeated
Stinking, quite funky
Horrible sight
Hits with a splatter
No end in sight
Just squit it, squit it, squit it, squit it, squit it
....
squit It, squit It, squit It, squit It
Something not to be repeated
Stinking, quite funky
Horrible sight
Hits with a splatter
No end in sight

Just squit It, squit It, squit It, squit It
Something not to be repeated
Stinking, quite funky
Horrible sight
Hits with a splatter
No end in sight

(etc)

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Flat-a in Glasgow

Her name is Ailsa, she is a blonde girl
Is not the colour of her hair but she really ain't all there
Just can't navigate around the flat-a
And while she once played the guitar, walking straight has still got far
Across an empty floor, she'll trip into a door
On her bum she'll ask any other
"What is that there for?"

At the Flat-a (Flat!), Flat-a in Glasgow (Flat-a in Glasgow)
The best place to watch her sl-am-a (here)
At the Flat-a (Flat!), Flat-a in Glasgow
Music, air thrashin' - a dangerous passion
At the Flat-a....fell on the floor

(Flat-a Flat-a in Glasgow)

There was this one time, she went out shopping
Buchannan street, let's set our scene, of our little blondy queen
Some ned had finished, his nice banana
And he just flung it to the ground, He thought t'was safe and sound
And then Ailsa came by, her head was in the sky
She went thud, ended up on her bot
Least it was not poo!

(Flat-a. . Flat-a in Glasgow)
(Flat-a Flat-a in Glasgow) (Flat-a in Glasgow, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Flat-a Flat-a in Glasgow)
(Talking about her slip on banana)
(Music, air thrashin...a dangerous pass-ion)

Her name is Ailsa, she is a blonde girl
I could go on about all day, like that really silly way
When she just stands there, about to go out
Suddenly she'll just stop right there, and stare out into the air
A list runs through her mind, quite slowly too, you'll find
She'll put on lots of funny expressions
Think she's lost her mind!

(Flat-a) don't fall in love
Flat-a in Glasgow
Flat-a in Glasgow

...

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Three Weeks

It's been three weeks since you got t'essay
Threw it onto the pile and said 'Not for me'
Five days since you came to me saying
'Got 'bout forever, let's go see Rocky'
Three days since the common room,
I realize it's all my fault, and so did you too
Yesterday you were panicking
But it'll still be two hours till you start that essay

Put it off and now you stop, think
Will it take you all night?
You think you'll see the dawn tomorrow, man
You kinda wish it's a cinch, the thought of work just makes you flinch
You like the sugar cos it gives you extra energy
Hot like curry when you're on fire
Smash out the big lines
Writing anything of value
But when you hit a brick wall
You feel a bit small, you then eat all yer chocolate biscuits
Eyes start to sag, so let's try to blag
'cept you stink at making it up.
I like to laugh, it is the finest entertainment
You want to go, cos then you'll flow
Into your bed on your pillow
But it's too dangerous you'd have to hand it in late

I just can't help it if you're so easy to distract
It's easy and I don't need any tact
I'm the kind of guy who tempts like the devil
Just some simpsons or a film. Will I tempt you?
I have a tendency to suggest things. And you see,
I have a history of bringing out the worst.

It's been three weeks since you got t'essay
Threw it onto the pile and said 'Not for me'
Five days since you came to me saying
'Got 'bout forever, let's go see Rocky'
Three days since the common room,
I realize it's all my fault, and so did you too
Yesterday you were panicking
And now I sit back and wait while you write in a hurry

Clickity Clanka, the brain is stickin
Needs some more oil and it may start tickin'
Watchin the file with the lights on
It's automation?
You hoped it'd write on its own
Like Harrison Ford You're getting Frantic
You started ranting
2000 words is hard to satisfy

Like a steam train time just flies by
Sometimes you wanna cry
But if you did it'd set you back more
One day you might start before it's due
Gives you plenty time to do
All the things you wanted to put into the essay
Gotta get in tune with Thinking soon
Cause that cartoon has got the boom distractions
I make you think the wrong thing

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Loan Cheque

I went down to the pub at the end of term
but I had no money so I ended up drinking Cola
C-O-L-A Cola.
It seemed then, to me, as I packed up for home
that I need some cash and it comes in the form of a Loan Cheque
L-O-A-N Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque
The hols just refused for me to fly by,
but with the end in sight the one thing on my mind
Is my Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque
Well, it's such a shame that I just can't demand
on a frequent basis for cash in my hand
Like my Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque

Well, we'll get our cash and then at night,
head to the union, what a sight,
go up to the bar it's lager for me,
They'll say, "Have you got cash so you can pay me?"
Well, I've now got money so I'll say "Aye",
and when I sit at the table,
I drink my thanks to my Loan cheque,
loan loan loan Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque,
Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque, loan loan loan Loan Cheque,

I will try to save. I could do with more.
I know at my core. At the term's end we'll see.
I'll be at the bar, and you'll see me.
Well that's the way that it seems to stay.
I'll always be looking forward to my next Loan Cheque.
loan loan loan Loan Cheque.
Girls will pull boys, and boys will pull girls.
But students all, throughout this, drinking world,
wait for Loan cheques. loan loan loan Loan Cheque. loan loan loan Loan Cheque.

Well I went home just 2 weeks ago,
and I had no money for the drink to flow,
Loan Cheque's arrived, it's put cash in my hand,
I say, "Let's go drink, while we've money at hand."
Well I'm now the world's most happiest guy,
but I know in 2 months I'll be likely to cry,
Where's my Loan Cheque?
loan loan loan Loan Cheque. loan loan loan Loan Cheque.

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Banoffee Pie

North Street's the place to go
To find the kitchen, towards which, the students tend to file
And every time they get the chance
To eat the pie they'll do a dance
Guaranteed to make you happy for a while
First time's really something special
Remembered by all; recall they sh'll
Next time's just as good? Yep!
Near or far, worth the trek.
It tastes so good once it's inside
The chef, she should be full of glowing pride
No-one forgets, it makes them smile
The day they tasted Pie

[Chorus]

Here's to the bestest Banoffee Pie
Created by Canadian
Who really ain't shy
The dessert, just like her, is sweet on the eyes
'Just give me one more slice' they all cry
'Give me one more slice' they all cry.

You helped write that book of food
And I'll bet it all tastes really good
Past experience tells me so
Recipes straight out of Gannochy
Taste so lovely to you and me
Wonder if they should've been working hard instead
Our Canadian's really bopping mad
At the union there's fun to be had
The diva's got the moves
You should see her while she grooves
She has a habit of nicking your clothes
Cuddly fleeces are her fav you know
But we love her still, she's, you know,
Creator of the pie
And we're all singing

[Chorus]

It's quite a distance that she's flown
To go to uni a place unknown
But we're all glad she crossed the sea
She loves ice hockey, a canucklehead
When they left the cup, a tear she shed
Her face was filled with total dismay
Oh and while we're on a hockey theme
The games room's for our Union Queen
Air hockey causes bruises
Breast saves still amuses
We all had fun at the Barbeque
We headed to the boathouse too
We sang and jammed from 10 til 2
A shame, there was no pie
We weren't singing

[Chorus]

Her sense of direction is rather bad
Getting out of Melville there's fun to be had
She really doesnae know her way
She's been known to go out and flash
Don't say 'American' or out she'll lash
If you ain't careful she'll put you in a cast
Now she lives in her Gannochy room
Never locked? For thieves one must assume
She speaks the language of France
But when drunk I've heard it's pants
Cause the drink causes fluency to yield
The meaning of her words concealed
But after drink what does appeal?
Another slice of pie
And we'll be singing

[Chorus]

There was this time in a drinking place
She met His Royal, face to face
In no time talked and bought a drink
But he doesn't realise, doesn't know
Our Rachel's stalking's great you know
She can find a number in the end
For one still young she's a wizened sage
At least on my accurate gauge
Domestic Queen, is too
'Specially with chocolate goo
Be warned don't let her near your fluffy pets
She'll cuddle them for as long she's let
You'd far prefer instead to get
Another slice of pie
You'd be singing

[Chorus]

I leave you with unhappy news
To think about it just gives me the blues
Our Rachel ain't here to stay
She'll soon be off to pastures new
I guess we'll have to say adieu
But before that, listen up, I've this to say
You'll be missed by all and sundry
And though without you, we'll have fundays
Won't be the same without you
I guess we'll have to make do
So raise a glass and make a toast
To Rachel and her pies of course
And remember when you miss her most
They day you tasted pie
And you'll be singing

[Chorus]

You'll be singing
Here's to the bestest Banoffee Pie
Created by Canadian
Who really ain't shy
The dessert, just like her, is sweet on the eyes
'Just give me one more slice' they all cry

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Forum Light Bulb.

One member to change the bulb
One will say "Been changed by you"
Fourteen anecdotals too
Required to change a bulb

Seven caution bulbs are bad
Twenty Seven grammar pads
Oh, Fifty three flame those poor lads
Required to change a bulb

Forty One bait
Then six try to hyphenate
Six more describe their anal state...

Two say that it's called a lamp
Fifteen on their fingers, stamp
One Five Six try email spam
Required to change a bulb

One-oh-Nine say "Not the place"
Two-Oh-Three say "Here it stays"
One One One cite generic phrase
Required to change a bulb

Forty One bait
Then six try to hyphenate
Six more describe their anal state...

Two Seven Link Up
Fourteen change their f*ck up
Three see the relevance in their eyes
Three Three "Me too"
Twelve quittin on the grounds
Nineteen turn to "Me three"
Four FAQ
Four Four ain't got a clue
Four more repeat of spew
One Four Three search the google of might
One newb comes along and
Bumps in six months
Required to Change a Bulb

(repeats first 2 verses)

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2 Minutes to Red Dwarf.

Sit at home, am all alone
There's now't to entertain me
It's looking shite; TV this night
And nothing good that I see
Some brainless crap. Should take a nap
There's danger of brain lesion
It's no fun, I am about to run
Until a show saves me my breath

CHORUS
So relieved don't care it's repeat,
The humour, the timing, insane!
Going to watch again, will be saddened when,
They decide not to repeat any more.
2 minutes to Red Dwarf
It's starting up real soon.
2 minutes to Red Dwarf
Looking forward to the theme tune.

The band shall tout that it's so cold out
No atmosphere for breathing
Alone it seems of human 'freends'
Wish to fly away from here...YEAH!
Or to lie on the beach drinking with goldfish nibbling at my toe,
Drink mango juice while we are shipwrecked here and feeling comatose.

CHORUS

The laughs subside as the time slides; lasts a minute or two
Then you see the clock with surprise and shock. Twenty minutes just past by you.
The real world descends and its become a rather better place,
This time next week is far off so we'll be counting down the days.

CHORUS

Red Dwarf...all right!...

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Holding his Head in his Hands.

Sleigh's head dings
He was drinking
He's in pain
what was he thinking?
He feels like shite
Result of Last night
Richard's holding his head in his hands.

Skinny dipped, at least I've heard,
Many drinks, mem'ry is blurred
He wore a sarong
And perhaps a thong
Richard's holding his head in his hands.

Outside melville on the mound's a red cone
That he found and carried round the town
We'll say: Was it heavy?
He'll say: No man
But next time want to dress it with a gown

Half-past one
He feels dire
Getting up? No desire!
He'll stay in the shade
'til the pain starts to fade
Richard's holding his head in his hands.

Outside melville on the mound's an armchair
In all the halls in town it's been found
Pride of place goes to the mouldy armchair
until some other students take it down

Goes to show
When you're drinking
Consequence? Not worth thinking
We'll stagger and sway
the following day:

Richard's holding his head in his hands.

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Pornstar Heroes.

We are not in reality.
Creations from your fantasies.
Crap scripts and lots of sex to see
What we do is what you wish to do

Porn Stars are not like you and me
They do the things you wanna see
Frame by frame, to the extreme

Our friends are so unreasonable
Have sex whenever they're able
All through the night; all times of day
All they do is what you wish to do

Bad acting among other things,
Doing unbelievable things
Scene by Scene; playing with cream
One by one, we're all gonna come.

We are the Pornstar Heroes, Oh oh oh
Some of the guys just seem to last forever
We can stimulate sex crazed minds, Oh oh oh
Films to suit all the tastes and flavours

Take the lesbians, there's no need for a man
Welcome to the orgy party
Threesomes for the fans, there's two girls and a man
Welcome to the orgy party

There's rarely any need to fight
The streets are bathed in a red light
But you must just remember that
What we do won't work like that for you

The scenes aren't run on real like-life
Horny Models aren't all that rife
It's insane, they're at it again
One by one, they're all gonna come

We are the Pornstar Heroes, Oh oh oh
Some of the guys just seem to last forever
We can stimulate sex crazed minds, Oh oh oh
Films to suit all the tastes and flavours

Take the lesbians, there's no need for a man
Welcome to the orgy party
Threesomes for the fans, there's two girls and a man
Welcome to the orgy party

If you think life's like that of us
You're taking it too serious
Get a grip and all, and remember that
What we do won't work like that for you

What we do won't work like that for you
What we do won't work like that for you
What we do won't work like that for you
What we do won't work like that for you

We are the Pornstar Heroes, Oh oh oh
Some of the guys just seem to last forever
We can stimulate sex crazed minds, Oh oh oh
Films to suit all the tastes and flavours

There's still more to film
And everyone will be
Welcomed at the
Org-(Org)-y-(y)
Party

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